Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
