Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
