Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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