He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize