Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize