shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
