Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
