Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
