R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
