It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize