This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize