Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Randomize
