i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
