she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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