Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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