I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
