i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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