Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
