you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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