I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
