Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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