fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
