What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
