I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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