The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
