Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize