Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
