I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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