benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
