dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's the barista slut.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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