I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
