I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
