i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
