U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
