youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
