Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
