I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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