I'm so fucking centered right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
