There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You ruined the universe
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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