There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
