Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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