okay pat passed out under dana's car
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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