Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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