when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
