dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
