he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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