I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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