Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
