I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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