i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize