My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize