onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
