she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
