TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
