Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
