he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
