Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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