i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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