Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
