Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
