I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
