so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Randomize
