Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
