weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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