Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
