the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
